Very late on saturday morning Christian is having breakfest in his appartement in London, when the doorbell rings.
He get up surprised.
"Andy!! Hi dude, what are you doing here? I'm so glad to see you."
"Hello Christian, I thought I have to visit my old buddy. We diddn't see and hear anything of you in the last months."
"Um.. yes sorry, I...you know, Olli..."
"It's OK! Better tell me something of you. What are you doing all the time?"
They spend the whole day together, talking about old stories. Christian shows Andy everything, the stables, the city and in the evening they visit Christians favorite Pub. It's a relaxed evening between old friends. They have fun like they have in the past.
When they talk, they talk about absolutly all without Olli and his familiy. Even if Christian has questions about them, Andy always squirms himself out.
It's very late in the evening, when they have a last beer on Christians sofa, he cannot longer restrain. He had to ask Andy directly.
"Andy how is Olli. Please I need to know. You haven't told me a single word about him, Bella or Charlie. There's something wrong, isn't it?"
Andy prints around, he diddn't want to answer, but Christian asks again and again.
After a while it burst out of Andy.
"Oh shit, all right, I talk. Everything goes wrong. Charlie and Frank have troubles, because he had a crusch on Elisabeth. Bella and I, well, I screw up a lot of things, then she cheated on me with Franks jounger brother and Olli..."
"What's the matter with Olli? Come on, talk!"
"He murmurs from one emotional desaster to another."
"Well first there was the shit with Sascha, you know, then he flee and visit Lilly in Cameroon..."
"He visit Lilly and didn't told me?"
Christian looks at him doumbfounded.
"Well doesn't matter now, go on."
"When he was back from Africa, we thought he is fine again, but barely a few days later Franks brother showed up, this Jo and Olli immediatelly had a crush on him.
Jo has bonded with him, but a few days before he had this one night stand with Bella... and therefore Olli and Bella had a fight and didn't talk with each other.
And this man, shit, he is crazy. One time he wants Olli and next time he sends him away. He says he wants Olli for fun, but without any emotions...he really had a problem, a big problem, a sort of trauma, no idea what it was, but you know Olli. If he had determined something, he is fully emotional involved, even if it totaly pulls him down.
But the truth is, that he desperately try to find someone like you again."
"Like me? Nonsens! Olli didn't want me any longer. I could no longer give him what he needed."
"Maybe. Neverless he looks for and compares instinctively all with you Christian, with you two as a couple.
Christian cannot believe what he hear and they discuss almost the rest of the night.
It's dawn when Christian goes to bed, because Andy fall asleep on the sofa.
But Christian can't sleep. Everytime he closes his eyes, he sees Olli. No that's wrong, he sees him and Olli. There are so many happy moments, but he also sees how he stands in front of him at his last visit. Seeing the disappointement and resignation in Ollis eyes, because he realized, that their living-realities have developed apart. And he, ignorant and cowardly as he was, had let him go and give in in Ollis wish for separation immediatelly. He did everything to ensure, that their divorce went across the stage as quick as possible, because then he had not to thing about it to much. This way he handle till now.
But he feels, that something is missing in his life and he is also aware, that this is the reason why he hasn't admit to something new.
If he cannot have Olli and so far as he belived this is the point, then he wants nobody else. Because he too compared unconsciosly all the others with him and no one could withstand the.
So far he has forbidden himself only to think about Olli, not to let up hopes and desires which will be disappointed and which reminded him on his own faillings and mistakes.
But Andys appearance has stirred everything up again.
Next Morning he can't help it, he has to strike up the conversation of last night. They sit together the whole sunday, let come the pizza delivery and the longer they discuss, one of Andys sentences, he made last night, become firmless fixed in Christians mind.
We should bring him here, if it's need, kidnap him! Then he become already beware, of where he belongs.
Last night he rejected it far away, but...
The next days went by, one evening when Christian comes back from the stud, he asks,
"Andy I'm glad you're here, but shouldn't you go back again? You have a job and what's about Bella?"
"Bella is once again with her father in Tübingen. I don't know till when. I paid my dept to the Lahnsteins with the money I get from Alexa Berg and so there is nothing that keeps me in Düsseldorf. That's why I thought it would be a good time to move once again and maybe I could help you here somehow. I still owe you a lot, because of your house, which you and Olli sold to help Bella and me with our liabilities.
Yeah and Sascha called me today, he wanted to know, when I come back too. I think he needed someone to talk. I had the feeling, he don't know what to do with Olli.
Charlie has problems on her own, Bella is gone, Jessie and most of our other friends too and now it's up to him to help Olli. He says Olli goes completely overboard, just like he do when he wants to be with him months ago. Olli isn't able to seperate himself of this man, although he confesses, that the situation kills him. Jo wouldn't or couldn't want anything else then sex without feelings. Jo has constantly squabble with his brother Frank and Frank with Charlie and Olli is exhausted in between.
"This Idiot! Doesn't he know Olli couldn't stand that for a long time. If there is someone who needs love and harmony it's Olli and he deserves so much to be loved. Oh if only I could help him. But I can't leave here and I'm probably the last one whom he exept help from."
Christian say resigned.
"I would say, give it a try. An attempt would be worth it, or not? Christian be honest, you already love Olli!"
"Of course, I never stoped loving him, but this wasn't enough."
"Then help him!"
"But how? I cannot really kidnap him and force him to love me, despite of all my faults."
"Are you crazy, Fritsche?"
"Sure you cannot force him to love you, but maybe you can get him out of this vicious circle and then show him that it is worthwhile to give you another chance together."
"It's not use yet!"
"Christian do you notice? You're making the same mistakes as last time, as every time.
Do you remember almost exactly three years ago, when you decided to go to that stud in Brandenburg, just because you believe, that Olli didn't want you and it would be no longer worthwhile to fight, yes? And in the same way you give up your relationship months before, because you didn't fight.
You idiot, you fucking coward, come on!
Of course it's a risk and of course you can be hurt and push back and yes, you don't know how Olli reacts, but give you at least the chance to be happy again and if Olli didn't want you back, well, then you tried it and maybe you have helped him to get his good life back.
Is Ollis bliss not important enough for you to fight. If not, you probably really don't deserve him."
Christians eyes are growing bigger and bigger while Andy speaks.
"I.. you.. you're right, but..."
He is so upset, that he couldn't make full sentences. It comes out only a stuttering.
Christian abruptly turns round and runs in his room. The door slams.
Andy shakes his head, takes another beer and drops on the sofa.
"Such an idiot!" he thinks.
"The same idiot like me!"
He sighs and turn on the TV.
Meanwhile Christian runs up and down in his room.
Andy has gone mad! Sure he loves Olli, he always will, but Olli has divorced and after all that happened he had the right to. They have not managed to bring their goals and desires together, they have cheated on each other, they had tried a relationship twice and they always failed, allthough they had loved each other. So what?
On the other hand Christian had to confess, that he tried it with others and it didn't match. He even had a date with Paula and accompanied her home. But he couldn't. After the first kiss he noticed, that this is not what he wants. Then he tried it with a man, but this wasn't better.
If he would be honest, the sex was horrible, so cheap, not a bit tingling or sensual or overwhelming like it was with...
He almost passes out afterwards and he never call this man back.
And if he is REALLY honest with himself, he was thinking at Olli all the time. Therefore he stopped to meet others. He concentrates on his job, this job is good and calls his entire usage and gives him confirmation. Who already needs love and sex?...
....I do!!Fuck I'm still not 30! ...So I cannot continue... neither can Olli!
I can't stand it, when I know, that he is no good.
Andy is right, I have to do something. Obviously Olli has nobody else in the moment.
Christian had always thought, with their separation he had given Olli what he wanted. A good life in the middle of his family and friends and eventually with a new partner, who makes him happy, but obviously nothing, absolutly nothing has taken place.
And again the door slams loudly.
Andy scares up, because he doze off.
"You're right Andy Fritsche. It could not go on that way!
Perhaps he will hate me afterwards, but then at least Olli can start in a new life. And if I had big luck, maybe...