Oh my. *giggles* This is hilarious! I think "steal his gay" is actually my favourite phrase of all time. Not only is it unbelievably funny, but I love that Roman thinks of 'his gay' as a sort of possession.
And that's Billy Zane in Titanic?! It's been far, FAR too long since I've seen that film (in the I-didn't-recognise-hotness-because-I-was-like-eight kind of way).
I can just picture this perfectly, though. Jenny being all pouty and come-on-y, and Roman being like, "Dude! With the gay, here, do you mind?!"
Not to mention the 'tall, dark and bastard-y'. Ah, teenage!Roman, if only you knew. Hehe, nicely done. (And the irony of him thanking God at the end, there, because he wants to suck Billy Zane. Hehe.)